Kalah Tactical Training
South Africa has always been the heart of Kalah training and especially it's big tactical division. Laws and environment in South Africa allow for military grade hardcore training. Main purpose of the stay was to get as much experience as possible - namely VIP protection, advanced CQB, PSD, gun defense, bush warfare and much more.
All this hard gained knowledge will be brought to Europe in Kalah Tactical Europe, which we are just about to start (in maximum two months time). After that you will be able to get the worlds best tactical training also in Europe - all the knowledge previously contained only in South Africa.
Kalah family
This is not the first time it strikes me. I can't appreciate enough the Family Idan created around Kalah. Multitude of his instructors carry his personality inside, no matter how good or bad people they might be. Kalah filters their own - not based on color of skin, sex, size, skill or any other unimportant metrics - but rather on quality of character, morals, ability to sacrifice for others, honor, courage, honesty and mental toughness. People do not lie, accuse or rat and MAINLY - they have little to no ego.
Again I have met men and women which I deeply appreciate - and it's not easy for me to appreaciate human beings. Whether it is Johan, Steve, Pascal, Edith, Herman or any other of my brothers and sisters, they are people of merit - and they make my life, social bubble and environment very, very enjoyable.
My door, food of my table and my support is available to them - as long as they stay the true human beings I found them to be. Thank you all, warriors!
Also they are people of different skills (apart from Kalah), different nature and experience - just their stories would make for a standalone book. Edith, for example, aims to become an astronaut and given her scientific experience, this wish may very well become true. This is going to happen on the Moon, if her aim becomes reality:
I rented a Suzuki 650 V-Strom (correctly pronounced [Fau-Štrum!] with Austrian nazi accent, thank you Edith) from ex-Italian ex-enduro and road racer Marco. I definitely recommend him to everyone wishing to get a bike in SA.
You get a portion of Italian-Buur hospitality, espresso, bunch of advice, perfectly serviced bike and some road tips. While you wait about 20 seconds for the bike, you can admire staccatto of Marcos trophies on the wall above the counter.
Tzaneen on a bike
Motorbike trip from Joburg to Tzaneen takes about 5 hours, short breaks included, cost approximately 200RA and is as boring as any highway transfers.
I had an opportunity to stay with my friend and Kalah instructor Johan and his lovely wife Su-Marie. She is math teacher, he hires workforce for fruit plantations.
If I had time to learn a lot about hunting and tracking, Johan was the right man. I was immediatelly surrounded by love in shape of two pitbulls - Bonnie offered her belly for scratching and Tyson offered his black stare, that makes nasty people sit quietly at the table and pretend they don't exist.
I saw plenty in the short timeframe of my stay, so let's not fuck around:
Very nice restaurant with proper burgers and a beautiful view at Olifant river. Flat top mountains shine on the horizon in green and red, red rocks everywhere, and low hills with USA-like rock formations on top. Didnt see the elephants though, this pic is from the internet.
Definitely recommended for a bike trip. Curves amongst red hills with tea trees. Here is the route.
Scenery on the way back from Tzaneen.
Past a long red (obviously) dirt road not far from Tzaneen, we stopped for a visit at local game breedery. Black and brown impalas, sables and buffalos, including a true rarity - white buffalo.
All game is carefully taken care of, and no wonder - prices of animals can skyrocket with every inch of their horns. According to the story, one impala with horns of record length cost a buyer some 168 millon rands. Do your math.
Banana plantation
The one we visited, nested above a typically african, stunning river spanned across a size of a small Czech city. If it becomes larger than that, i recommend to build appropriate landing zones and local airports.
It took us good 10 mins to drive across the land in Johan's buggy (even with his maniacal style of driving which I quite enjoyed). The owner mainly uses organic fertilizer and no pesticides. His bananas are otherworldly.
Countryside
Flat top mountains on the way back from Tzaneen (just past Zion City Moria) would bring Mars-like feeling - if not for endless slums along the way. One of the places that urge you to continue no matter if you piss in your motorcycle boots.
Crossroads (KwaMhlanga and others)
I only saw such traffic jams in Genoa, but even the talians were more organised. Who goes first, wins... unless he gets hit by a truck, minibus or AK47. Islamic-like bazaars at many crossroads before Pretoria were genuinely combined with fresh exhaust fumes and a solid carwall that even the most adventurous mouse wouldn't slip through.
Better to drive through in less busy hours than Sunday 5pm I guess. My white face must have shone in totally black surroundings like an ostrich egg on a pile of coal.
General insights
Time and service
Everybody asks you how is your day, they smile at you and then you wait for espresso for 15 minutes.
Blacks (not all of them, but you get the major feeling) are sluggish (read: lazy) as snails and they combine this feat intricately with incompetence (read: stupidity).
Dont get me wrong - a lot of blacks suffer in this country due to governental mismanagement, and I not only feel for them, but also give them cash at the crossroads. A lot of them work hard as nails for little to no money.
But just try to visit different shops with black service. Seven staff members in Incredible connection PC shop was: first - 5 mins looking for manager, next 5 mins looking for a key to open a cabinet with HDDs, and when you want to pay, they dont have single 100 RA banknote in their cash register.
You can definitely recognize blacks on the road even without looking in their car. On a road with maximum speed of 120kph, they drive 60 with one arm nonchalantĺy stretched from the window.
I broke every road rule the mankind has invented, and it's not even my fault. As my friend Herman says - You have watch, they have time.
Public transportation or public hospitals
Avoid at all costs. They fuck you up in both of these establishments, and I'm blessed by lack of experience that would allow me to decide which one is worse.
Safety
Cape Town is world's crime capital with higher mortality rate than Afghan war, and other places are in no better state. That's what you get when you combine poverty, purposeful governental fuckup and institutionalised corruption.
As the local classic says: "Uja buja upranga. Gadzo mawala salaz? Kwazi." Freely translated as "Marble snake can't overfuck onyx vulva. Disbelieve? Just try it." It's absolutely necessary to know where you go and how. Uber is fine. Highways are fine. Avoid SAPS normal police (for those who don't know, it's a name of a local gang of morbidly obese, khaki dressed robbers whose task is to save your back from carrying overweight wallet).
Any buur you talk to will share stories of him or his relatives or friends being robbed or attacked. One day we passed this event on a highway, luckily after it has ended.
Accommodation
10 Stirling BnB - heartily recommended. Nice rooms, high quality wifi, extra large pool, tennis court, creative garden and most importantly - very lovely and helpful owner Jeanine.
Coffee
According to Herman, the espresspecialist, the coffee business is only starting in Joburg. Hard to believe, because you will find a lot of coffeterias, out of which almost all roast their own fresh coffee.
Some of them could make you vomit, but hey - someone needs to explore dead-end streets of spoiled water and experimental roasting. Just kidding. Most of them offer high quality coffee, and here is my personal list:
Bean There Coffee Company - best in Joburg, they say. And they might be right.
Father Coffee - best in Joburg, they say, but too hipstery and crowded to my liking.
Signature Roast - I wanted to hit Urban Roasters, but instead found out they moved out. Half an hour spent talking to owner of a new roastery (Signature roast) and sipping their high quality coffee was the best coffee experience in my whole SA stay. Owner has big plans, hope he will make them work.
Cabin Coffee - just around the corner from Kalah studio - try the red or purple one if you like italian espressos. Hardcore italians can go for Bulls Horn double roast with so much caffeine it could serve as a nuclear plant fuel.
Wine
It's quite ridiculous that you can buy a very good quality wine in the most basic PicknPay lowlife shop or common Woolworths. Locals sell locally quite often.
Winemenu is one of the best wine shops I have visited so far - they have great bottles from Erika Obermeyer or Eisen&Viljoen.
Other very good wineshop is just around corner from Bean There and Chocoloza - Vosin Bread and Wine .
Food
One of THE best perks of SA - quality of food. After eating in local restaurants or buying fresh fruit from local markets (even the obvious Woolworths!) you will understand the diabolical conspiracy of Czech government, corporate supermarkets and apathic citizens, completely oblivious to those Hitlers, putting inedible poisons on their plates.
Few tips:
Fruit Basket (fruit, vegetables and other stuff)
Woolworths - for any basic shopping
Mugg and Beans - for soup sized cappucinos and possibility to construct your own meals
Chocoloza - for mouthmelting HQ chocolate while watching live chocolate making
Schwarma - THE pinnacle of Joburg restaurants - try anything, but I recommend fillet steak or any of their burgers. This meat melts like ice cream in your mouth. Indescribable in human language.
Meatongrant - for outstanding seasonal biltong and ridiculously cheap wagyu burgers
Vocabulary
In the end, some Alles Gutte practice:
Fok af [Fokof] - Fuck off
Braai [Braaj] - Barbeque
Broer [Bru] - Brother
Dankie [Dankí] - Thank you
Feel free to construct sentences from these words.
